So, what I could do is bitch the night away, about how much I hate my life and how much I wish I was dead.
Tonight I'm going to try to turn it in a new direction. You see all these kids out here, without parents, with only one parent, and you feel terrible for them. You put yourself in their shoes, imagining it sometimes.
In reality, you can't really put yourself there because, you know, there's no way that you could possibly understand how it feels to not have your parents want you or not have your parents around. I have to admit I'm quite lucky when it comes to that aspect of life. I was blessed with two wonderful grandparents that adopted me from nearly birth and I fell in love with them, they're my parents now. They treat me like I'm the best thing that's ever happened to them. I feel like I'm not, but I think I changed their lives in many, many more ways than one. I know I was an expensive baby, and I'm a bit of an expensive teenager (Sorry.) but I know that they love me more than I could love myself. I love my parents and I wouldn't give them up for the world. I feel so bad that some people don't have both their parents, whether it be from them passing away, them giving up on that child, them not caring about the child, or even if work gets in the way of them seeing that child. I personally am very grateful that I have a mom and dad that love me. My mom tries her best not to spoil me too rotten, but I am spoiled by her, and I'm definitely spoiled by my dad. I'm his princess. I've always been a daddy's girl and I don't think I'd change that for anything. He would sit there and let me read to him, he accepted me throwing up in his face (sorry.) If I had stayed with my birth mother, I could have ended up dead or fucked up beyond belief. I love her, I do. But she was more interested in my big sister and she was just a child herself. I hope not to follow in her footsteps and become pregnant at age 15. I want to stay a virgin into my early 20s at least. I want to be pure for the man I marry, I want to fall in love every day and I want to be happy with whoever I end up with. I know that I may seem like I'm rambling on, but it's been a very long time since I've gotten my emotions out, and I need it.
I don't think I can sleep tonight. I've tried laying down, watching Awkward, turning the TV off, and nothing is working. I'm hoping by 4:00 I can find a way to sleep (it's almost 3:30)